Waiting

This year, I find myself waiting, waiting a lot as a matter of act. Waiting for my next trip, waiting for my next influx of cash, waiting for results, waiting for the pounds to drop, waiting for a project to finish, waiting, waiting waiting. Some of this waiting comes with a lot of action from my end- things I need to do to get my goal and thus, enabling me to move forward. But the most irritating type of waiting is well, the waiting where you simply.. wait.

Strangely, I don't remember having waited so much in the past years. Then again, it's probably because I didn't put myself "out there" as much as I have this year.

I was told recently by an empathic friend that I need not be in such a hurry. I suppose I feel like I'm making up for time (make that 2 years) lost during my years of drudgery, lol. At least it felt like drudgery towards the end. Though every time I think this, my head tells me I'm silly, that I learned a lot as well from those seemingly lost years, blah blah blah.

There seems to be a fine line between impatiently (anxiously? restlessly?) waiting and looking forward to something. I guess I'm writing this to remind myself to step back and enjoy the journey, and proactively learn from the present things I have committed and chosen to do. No day but today right?

Looks like I may need to re-look at my daily gratitude journal by opening up my awareness to a new level of gratitude.

Miraculous Money Matters 2

I first blogged about about money here.

And I still do believe in miraculously money matters. That even when you don't think you have the money to cover your monthly expenses, opportunities for money making (for the most part anyway), unexpectedly arise.

At the moment, my current / upcoming financial responsibilities are at an all time high and yet gratefully, despite this, I'm actually making enough money for the month to cover my bills. Just last week I was banging my head trying to figure out how I'd earn enough income this month, so this is actually surprise out-of-the-blue money!

On the same note, this is the most money I've made in a while. Which is wonderful! But on a sadder note, I'm a little glum thinking about how all that money could have gone to my savings (& a little splurge for me!) instead of my bills.

Lol, oh wells. This is temporary anyway. Hopefully the next time I blog about money, it's I'm trying to figure out how and where to spend my money because I have too much of it ;)

WORK

Next few weeks are going to be REAL busy for me. The project that I've spent the last few months preparing for is fast approaching and I'm feeling the pressure! It's my first big project after work with my old company. I feel like I'm about to take a big test that will decide my future, where I feel it will prove (or disprove) my capacity to do something of this nature. There's still a number of things I need to do in preparation for the project; haven't even begun to think about how I'm actually going to execute it!

If all goes well, I'll jump into two new projects right after. One is literally, RIGHT after what I'm working on now, a short freelance project for a new client which is also big in it's own right.. to me anyway. I'm nervous I won't perform, that I'll be too tired to focus and that I won't do a good job. A few days after, I'll do a show, which means at one point between now and then, I need to have rehearsed, memorized and gotten my role down pat.

I feel old insecurities and bad habits bubbling to the surface; common when I'm faced with something very uncomfortable. I procrastinate REAL BADLY in hopes that it will delay the inevitable. I stay up late to delay the coming of the next day, but then want to sleep all day. Not really a good mix with an already busy schedule if you ask me.

I also get I am probably making this bigger than it actually is and that I know I just need to breathe, focus and just get things done one day at a time, one step at a time. That in doing so, I cut out the unnecessary stress I'm creating for myself.

So here's me grabbing life by the balls and just diving into my work. It's good for me, I know it. Wish me luck!

Back On The Band Wagon

Of all the resolutions swimming around in my head, I know a priority for 2010 is to get back on the freaking health wagon and STAY ON IT.

So I bid farewell to the gorging of chocolates for my never-ending appetite for sweets and welcome constant and regular exercise back into my life.

Day 2 so far and I'm loving it already. Yehaw.

Giving Back

One of the best things that came out of the business I set up with friends was the foundation we put up. It began as our company's CSR program but grew into a personal project for one of my partners and myself. We fought about a lot of things, but giving back to our country in this particular way was one of the things we DID agree about.

One particular organization has been so happy with us, our cause and the way we run our projects, that we have been asked to run three simultaneous project sites for them this year. This is a huge jump from the the single site events we've done for them in the past. They have also referred us to another program and we are now meeting with them to discuss the possibility of running a similar event or project with them in the next few months. We also look to be running a similar setup up north next year.

We've been at it now for a few years, and I'm excited that it has slowly been growing; the list of schools we work with has been growing, as our the number of events, the activities we do and the lives of the students we are touching. It is rewarding and incredibly satisfying on so many levels.

Our most challenging event to date is coming up fast and we're scrambling to get things up and running. Fingers crossed!

I Get By with a Little Help From My Friends :)

One of the best things about traveling is my getting to spend an hour/afternoon/day/weekend with friends I've made over my lifetime. Beyond the stories exchanged or shared photographs and anecdotes, what I love most is getting to see them live in their new reality.

The picture I have in my head of who they are is when I had gotten to know them; the past we shared together, usually living in the same place, experiencing the same things. Then circumstances change and people move on. Outside of an affection for one other, many of the threads that bind are memories of the past.

Getting the chance to create new memories with the people that I love are opportunities I will always grab at. It's always interesting to see what time does to a relationship, as not all relationships last.

Luckily, no relationships lost during this past trip! In fact, most, if not all relationships sealed themselves as "keepers" in my book. I felt extremely blessed to have seen friends from the different "parts" of my life; from my childhood, high school and college life.

I went through a slew of self-reflection having seen everyone, but the emotion that stood out the most for me was inspiration. It was incredibly inspiring to see the relationships they were nurturing, careers they were building and homes they were creating, outside of the the comfort zone that living in the Philippines can bring.

Thanks to many of my unknowing friends, I now face the uncertainty of the next few months with re-focused and re-energized commitment and passion.

The Long Haul

It's been few months since I started on this kick to get healthy by loosing weight. The novelty and excitement is.. unsurprisingly.. wearing off.

Thousands of steps literally & physically taken, couple of pounds lost (20 to date), number of flattering compliments / words of encouragement received from people I know.. and unsurprisingly.. I am starting to drag my feet.

I am becoming relaxed about my eating habits. Exercise is becoming a chore and no longer stimulating. The weight loss is happening a little slower. Yes yes I know.. whine whine whine. But seriously, this is kind of where I'm at right now.

Isn't it supposed to be getting easier?! I've been doing so well building up my will power and discipline. But in the last week - I literally had to ask my family to kick me out of the house so I could exercise. And when I saw a snickers bar in my sisters bag? I almost stuffed the whole thing in my mouth, wrapper and all.

The good news is I am still freaking out about fluctuations in weight, or excessive eating of sweets. And every time I "mess up" - my rebound time is still pretty fast. The moment I start not to care then I should REALLY be worried. And this is something I've been mentally preparing myself for as I know there is always a shlump after a high, something I was able to extrapolate given that I've been trying (and failing!) at healthy living for say I dunno.. all my life?

Mental battle is upon us. Crunch time is now!