Happy 1 year cigarette-free Anniversary to me!

Today I celebrate 1 year of being a non-smoker.

Prior to quitting for good, I went through several months of wishy-washy-ness. I wasn't smoking for a few months, then partied and relaxed in Bali for a week where I smoked a whole tobacco field, followed by a 1-month tour as a Soprano 1 (from singing Alto) so I stopped smoking again to aid my crying vocal chords. When I returned, I had coffee with a fellow smoker. I remember inhaling then thinking to myself.. I don't need this. I put it out, and that was that. One year ago.

My relationship with cigarettes has been love-hate. Cigarette smoking always evoked good times I've had with friends over the years; dancing the night away with cocktail in one hand and a Marlboro Light in the other, riding in a car full of girlfriends with the windows down and music up as we sang and laughed and flicked our cigarette ash out the window, intimate conversations over a cup of coffee or a rambunctious evening of side splitting laughter over dinner. As with any vice though, you know it's bad for you but you do it anyway. You know people who have suffered and died from lung cancer and the heartache it brings to the sufferer as well as to the family and friends left behind. You do it anyway. On a more superficial level, you know of the ugly smell it leaves on the on your fingers and the way it litters your bag with yellow tobacco leaves. But yes, you stubbornly puff away regardless. It was a favorite poison, it helped me deal with my stress, it gave me something to do when I was out but feeling anti-social. It was also cheaper than drinking.

But the decision to stop smoking was the first of many life style choices I made towards taking control of my life, a life that I realized was out of control and being pushed around by the circumstances I allowed myself to be in.

I won't lie, there are times where I'm tempted to smoke, even take a quick puff. This is usually when I'm stressed out, looking for a reason to put something off, after a full meal, at the beach, or out with friends. But I quickly talk myself out of it. It's not worth it. When you remove the drama, distract yourself and do your damn hardest to take your mind off of it, it becomes much easier than we make it to be. Goodness knows how long I'll be fighting the cravings, but glad to know it does get easier with time.

It has been great validation so far, that I CAN do something when I put my mind to it, that I am capable of that much inner strength and discipline. 1 year down, got the rest of my life to go. No plans of going back to that nasty habit that's for sure.

Now if I could only get this far with weight loss.. LOL.